It was two weeks ago today that Jersey got her first dose of Chemo. 14 days. When I was growing up my family used to go on vacation for two weeks each year. Two weeks is how long each pay period is. Now, I measure those weeks by watching Jersey's progress. Those vactions seemed to fly by. Before I knew it we were headed home. Generally each week at work goes fairly quickly. These past two weeks, in comparison, have seemed interminable.
Waking up each morning to see how she's doing makes for some long nights; getting up each day at 5 am to prepare her breakfast makes for long days; the worry involved makes for a long 24 hours. The rapid switch between optimism and despair takes a toll on one's emotional state Sometimes it doesn't seem that those minutes and hours will ever add up. Today, I've limped into Friday not quite broken but more over extended much like trying to stretch a small rubber band around a big half eaten bag of Fritos.
I find it amazing though how resilient we are. Each time I reach that breaking point, something seems to happen which provides that buoying moment and allows me to continue bobbing along on the surface. That's how its been these last two weeks.
Jersey seems to have responded to the Chemo protocol. She does have her moments when she gets depressed and seems heartbreakingly sad. There are other times when her spirit shoots out of her like beams of light from her eyes. She eats every meal with gusto, she enjoys being outside, she generally sleeps soundly.
She also has her moments. She turns away from us, she gets humiliated when she has an accident in the house, her rear end drops to the ground when she gets exhausted trying to walk.
When I have to measure it out, I think the good outweighs the bad. She's still here; not thriving but still adjusting to her new circumstances and appearing to accept them. I'm still here battered and beat up but still hopeful that today will be the day of success. The two weeks is over. We've made it so far. I'm proud of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment