10 Days

It's only been 10 days since we aggresively started this fight against Jersey's cancer.  It seems like a year. It's been 10 days fraught with: worry, concern, fear, frustration, nervousness, sleeplessness, axiousness, terror, confusion, grief, hopelessness, saddness, sympathy, empathy, despair and uncertainty. Did I miss anything?  No, that's about it.  The crazy thing? It's all happened during DURING THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.  And it hasn't stopped since 5 pm on Friday, February 8, 2013.

There have also been a few successes as well: when we discovered she liked to eat the lamb medallions, when she climbed the stairs in the middle of the night to let me know she had to go out, when she barked at people outside.

There has also been joy: when we went to the beach the other day.  The sun was out and it was surprisingly warm.  How we relished that time! We sat and looked at the water, we turned our faces upward toward the the sun to feel it's healing touch, we gently walked at the place where sea and land touch. I held onto her and we looked into each other's eyes.

Now, Jersey lies on her cushions in the front room while absently looking out the window.  She hasn't really stood up in two days.  She did push herself up into a sitting position a couple of times and I helped her get up a couple of times but otherwise, she has been sprawled out, usually on her chest, with her legs splayed out in front of her. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for all of us; Alexa, me, Tellie and Jersey aduring the last 10 days.  The sad thing is, there's no rhyme or reason for any of it.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. There doesn't seem to be a point to this blog today.  I'm tired, I'm worn out, I'm empty.  It's been a long 10 days.