New routines

I keep asking myself the question "when will life return to normal?"  There are so many things I miss which were part of the daily routine and made my life "normal." I miss Jersey's big old tongue shlurping me on the nose every morning to get up; I miss her nose in my face and looking at me with her deep brown eyes telling me it was time to rise and shine.  I miss the way she would come in and sit on the floor between the kitchen and the family room as she licked her chops and wagged her tail urging me to move faster as I prepared her breakfast. I miss snapping my fingers and pointing at her to sit as I put her bowl on the ground.  I miss the sound of her drinking water when she was finished.  I miss her coming over for her morning pet and hug before she would go back to bed and back to sleep.  I miss walking past her as I would walk out the door to go to work.  She would be sprawled on her pillow on the floor in front of the living room window and would give me a couple of tail thumps in farewell when I would say "see you, Jerz."

For the two years we've been in Maryland and the course of the previous five years, we had fallen into a morning routine.  The last thing I would see was Jersey saying goodbye. This was my "normal" morning.

Mornings still occur on a regular basis and I wake up at the same time everyday. Years of being roused from the bed by a big face licking dog got me used to opening my eyes and getting out of bed.  Now I wake up automatically yet there no sloppy licks across my face.  There are no eyes looking at me from about three inches away.  It takes me a couple of minutes to remember Jersey is not there and never will be again.

Tellie still needs to be let out and fed.  She usually sleeps until I start stirring and throw back the covers.  Her exuberance at the prospect of chasing whatever critters might be in the backyard, lingering in the dark before the sun comes up, is infectious.  I'm thankful her excitement at flying down the back stairs is enough to snap me from the sadness I have been waking up with every morning.  When she comes back into the house she excitedly jumps up on my legs, proudly telling me everything is clear in the backyard, she has chased the birds away.  She sits and waits for breakfast.  She eats and takes a drink of water when she is finished. Instead of a sloppy "SLURP, SLOP, SLURP,SLOP" I hear a dainty "slip, slip, slip."

I still quietly say "see you, Jerz" as I walk out the door even though it's a hard realization saying goodbye to her when she's not there. It's a habit that I know will eventually break. A new "normal" is developing and I welcome it.  Meanwhile though, I am between morning routines. Letting go of the old one and embracing the new one is way more challening than I thought it would be but is essential for me to move on. "See you, Tellie."