Speechless

This past Saturday I was at a loss for words at the memorial service I wrote about last week.  It seems I am best at expressing myself when I write about Jersey and the effect her loss has had on me.  I've shared many stories about her. I've told what it is like for me as I go through this mourning process.  I've shared funny ones, sad ones, serious ones.  I feel like I have been open about what it's been like. When it came time to speak about her in front of people though, I hemmed and hawed, stuttered and repeated myself and don't think I was too successful sharing a couple of anecdotes about her.

I really wanted to eulogize her. It turned out that at the little ceremony each person shared a couple of stories about how their pups made them smile or gave them joy. It was an entirely appropriate way to honor the memory of the beloved companions we all miss so much.

I had spent a lot of time trying to think of just the right words to express what Jersey meant to me and the impact she had on my life and I couldn't come up with anything.  I use my best words here and was left struggling for what to say.

When people started sharing memories, I scrambled to think of something to say and decided to offer a couple of anecdotes about Jersey's escape artist skills.  It was entirely off the cuff and improvised and I feel I didn't do her justice.  I suppose it doesn't really matter because I'm sure no one really cared what words I used.  The important thing was I was there.

Last night though, I realized what I might have said instead:

"A day or two before Jersey passed, I was sitting with her in the man cave, talking softly to her.  I was telling her I loved her, that she was a great friend; that she was my best friend.  I lay down next to her as she shifted about trying to find a comfortable position. Her head was next to mine as I began to sing softly in her ear.
                                                 "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
                                                  This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
                                                  This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
                                                   Let it shine, let shine, let it shine."

I kept singing it over and over until she calmed down and fell asleep.  I'm thankful she found comfort as I sang and gently stroked her side. I took comfort in the peace that settled upon us.  I was next to my Jersey and she fell asleep in my arms.

Her light continues to shine and it will stay shining in my heart forever."

Then I would have lit her candle.

The dark night seemed to soften in the glowing, spreading light as more and more candles were lit. I shared what I shared that night and it was fine for the occasion.

However if I could do it over, this would have been my eulogy.  This would have been what I wanted the people there to hear about my Jersey.  I would have liked to share about her light and that it continues to shine, shine, shine.