Let it be

 I added a couple of pictures to the Facebook group page Jersey's Place last night.  I'm not quite sure why. I came across them in my FB photo archive and thought I would share something that showed Jersey in all her glory.  The first one was taken at Cherry Creek Dog Park.  I know I've written about it before.  It was the place where Jersey was happiest.  She had acres and acres and miles and miles to run free.  This particular picture was taken in the back of beyond, way off the beaten path where no one every went.  We used to "bushwack" a lot and explore those unexplored places that were a little harder to get to. Bottom line was it was just us, enjoying the solitude and being together.

The second picture was taken about two weeks after we adopted her.  We lived in Santa Fe, NM.  That's where she's from.  We got her from the Santa Fe Animal Shelter.  I think I've also shared that story in the past.

She was so little she was able to walk under the coffee table in our living room.

The picture was taken in our back yard which was walled in and was our own little sanctuary.  The fountain she was sitting next too was less than two foot high which gives an idea of how small she was.  She only weighed about 15 pounds and still had puppy fur.  Her big old belly was round as a little basket ball.  She had accepted us and had settled in very nicely.  She had become a part of our family.

I share these anecdotes and pictures as a reminder that there is no time-table for grief.  It will be different for everyone.  I've had some folks suggest I get over it; I've had some encourage embracing the sadness as the best way to move through it.  As well intentioned as folks may be, neither is the way I deal with my loss or an effective way for me to heal.

I have always been fairly open with my feelings.  I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and it can be obvious what I'm feeling.  I telegraph my emotions and people around me pick up on it.  That's just the way I am.  For some reason, I'm more comfortable being open about where I am rather than stuffing it all down.  I've tried it in the past by doing my best to remain stoic in the face of pain and adversity, it just doesn't work for me.  I hope my openess doesn't make others squirm.  That's not my intent.  In this case I'm thinking if I can show what it's like for me to go through this difficult time, someone else may find it beneficial if they every are in the same situation with their beloved furry companion.

Bottom line, last night I was bummed.  The picture made me sad that Jersey is gone. What it tells me is though is that I'm not ready to look at pictures of her.  Right now it hurts too much.  This is my time table and it's OK.  There's no rush. The time will come when I'll look at them and smile; I'll be ready to remember her joy. I've just got to be aware of where I'm at in my process and honor those feelings and let them be.  Let it be.